• Set up an appointment to discuss the problem. Arrange a quiet time and place, preferably in a neutral location, where you can both express your concerns and work out an agreement.

 

• Show understanding and respect of the opposite party’s key points and AVOID personal attacks. Even if you strongly disagree with your spouse’s position, it’s often a good idea to restate his or her concerns as accurately as you can. This should discourage them from endlessly repeating the same point.

 

• Even if true, suggesting that your spouse of cheating or pointing out they currently are will only raise the level of hostility and make settlement more difficult. Equally important, it’s usually best to stay calm and not to react impulsively or emotionally.

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• Emphasize problem-solving. Try to structure the negotiation as a mutual attempt to solve a problem. Seek solutions that recognize the interests of both parties—for example, an understanding that compromises are necessary and even desirable, but that most can be prearranged.

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• On the Path to Litigation/When Mediation is not an Option:  The laws have been written so that an experienced lawyer should be able to explain what procedures will be used and what outcomes can be expected.